I Play The Pee-Pee Game Every Night So I Don’t Get Mad At My Prostate

Mr. Francis Esq.
4 min readFeb 11, 2021

The older you get as a man, the more you have to go to the washroom at night.

In my case, I’m sure it has something to do with my prostate, but I really don’t care that much to find out why or what to do about it.

I just accept it.

On some nights, I only have to get up twice to go to the bathroom.

That’s a good night.

And on other evenings I may have to use the facilities 4–6 times.

Those nights are hard, as it leaves little room for me actually to sleep.

Because of this, I’ve invented a game that keeps me smiling, no matter how many times I have to get up to deal with my ever-shrinking bladder.

In my bedroom, on top of my dresser drawer set, I have an old iClock. It was something I bought with my air miles, back when you could accumulate air miles and actually use them to buy something.

At the time, I had both an iPad and an iPod, and this clock radio had a dock for both of them. It saved me from buying or worrying about plugging in a bunch of extra cords for my iStuff.

The fact that it also had a built-in radio added to its appeal. I still appreciate listening to the news on the radio.

I’ve never been a fan of watching the news on TV. It irritates me how the anchors try to pass themselves off as a wise sage one minute and then my best friend the next. It’s stupid and has nothing to do with delivering the news.

The radio is different; somehow, I’m less anxious or irritated when I hear how the world is falling apart through this medium.

At the centre of the radio is an LED display that shows the time. It comes with an adjustable setting to set how bright or dim I want the clock to be.

At first, I kept the setting low and never looked up to see what time it was when I got up to use the washroom.

I reasoned that I didn’t want to know the time for fear that it would be 5 or 6 am and that I’d be getting up soon.

Somehow that realization of the approaching morning irritated me, and I had trouble getting back to sleep because I’d start…

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Mr. Francis Esq.

Mr. Francis Esq. hails from parts unknown of the Empire. And has just published his frightfully entertaining gift book — How Not To: Survive A Pandemic.